Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Well, let's just stand as we go to the Lord in prayer this morning. And I know that not everybody comes forward for prayer, but I believe that everybody has something on their hearts. And one of the best things to do so we can just focus in and maybe try to say, God, what do you want to say to me today is let's just lift up what's on our hearts today just by lifting our hands, saying, lord, I'm just going to give this over to you right now. I'm not going to focus on it. I'm not going to think about these issues. I'm not going to try to solve the problems. I'm just going to lay them aside for the moment. I want to hear your voice in my life. And. And so, Father, we do. We open our hearts to youo. We want to hear your speaking into our lives. There are challenges. There will always be challenges in the world. There's trouble, there's difficulty. We see it in nations, Lord. We see the conflicts, the difficulties people are experiencing. We see it in our own nation, O God. There's tensions and disharmony and frustration, and people are upset. And so, Father, I pray today, as we look at this whole area of addressing Lord disharmony, addressing difficulties and challenging situations, but primarily challenging people, Lord, that you will help us gain insight and understanding from your perspective.
[00:01:09] And may we take these things into our hearts. May we learn of your ways. Teach us your ways, O Lord. Help us to walk in the way everlasting, O God. Not to choose our own path, but to choose your path, Lord. Be in it. And to experience the benefits and the fruits of walking with you, Father, how beautiful it is. And we thank you for that. So give us ears to hear. Help us today if we hear your voice, not to harden our hearts, but to respond and surrender and to embrace. And we thank you for that. In Jesus name and God's people said, amen. You may be seated. So I'm going to have you turn again to first Peter. Chapter three.
[00:01:48] I started chapter three last week. We talked about marriage. This is verses eight through 17.
[00:01:53] I'm not doing a series on Peter. I'm going to do a new series in this fall. But I want to just focus in on this because I know all of us run into these situations. Some of us are very familiar with a cartoonist by the name of Charles Schulz. He's known to millions through his character, Charlie Brown, the lovable loser. And what many people probably do not realize is that Schultz was actually a Christian. And through his Cartoons he drove many biblical insights. And in one cartoon script, Charlie Brown and Lucy are engaged in this animated conversation when Lucy's got her back turned to him with her arms folded. And of course, Charlie Brown is pleading, and she's got a look of disgust on her face, and he's asking her to be tolerant and understanding. With outstretched arms, he says, lucy, you must be loving, and the world really needs love. You have to let yourself love to make this world a better place to live in. And Lucy whirls around and screams at him. Of course he does that little Charlie Brown backflip there.
[00:03:05] And she says, look, you blockhead, the world I love, it's people I can't stand, you know?
[00:03:14] So, you know, it's kind of one thing to say we love people as a general principle, but it's the challenge to love what I'm going to call challenging or difficult people that God brings into our lives, right? And some of you are saying, yeah, I'm married to one. Well, no, don't do that, you know, or my parents are like that, or my kids are like that, or my sibling is like that, or my neighbor's like that, or my co worker, my boss, we could just go down and talk about some of the challenges that people present. And I recognize the reason that it's so difficult is because it's probably where we get the greatest degree of pain in our lives, is through relational pain. People hurt us. And God gives us opportunities in these situations to develop either a very loving heart or a very wounded, broken, critical, resentful, bitter heart. I mean, we have a choice how we're going to respond is what I'm getting at.
[00:04:14] I noticed that God puts us into families. And how many know that when we become a child of God, when we receive Christ, we become part of a family, and he puts us in a church where we begin to interact with other people. And, you know, when you don't know people well, it's easy to say you love them. But how many know? As you get to know people better, you start finding out things, and sometimes that's when you really discover, do I love this person or not? And then we get to practice. We get to practice, you know, forbearance and showing sympathy and compassion and all kinds of beautiful elements in our lives.
[00:04:54] Many people do struggle with relating with other people. And obviously, I think this comes from personal disappointment and pain.
[00:05:02] So it's very real. We all get it. And as a result of our past hurts, sometimes we try to avoid and withdraw from people that God designs us to relate to.
[00:05:14] It's just we want to protect ourselves. And so a lot of times people say, I'd just rather be alone than have to deal with people because it's too painful. I'd rather have a pet, you know, at least my dog doesn't bite me. You know, usually happy to see me when I come home. So we, you know, and it's amazing. Our culture has really shifted towards, you know, protecting pets. Pets are really important. And I'm not against pets. We've had pets in the past. You know, I like dogs, I like cats, but I'm allergic to them. They like me still.
[00:05:43] It's amazing. They always get attracted to somebody. They're allergic, you're allergic to them, but that's whatever.
[00:05:49] But we can never become what we need to become when we're alone.
[00:05:54] And God himself is, you know, he's God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. So he's always been in a relationship with himself in one sense, three different persons. And God wants us to learn how to be in relationship with one another.
[00:06:11] So we actually do need one another more than we realize. I think if there's one critical element in learning to really enjoy life, it's the skill or ability to get along with other people. And I'm going to say this. If you're successful at relating with people, you'll be successful in life. That's the way it works. We discover sooner or later that there's probably no problems quite like people problems. How many figured that out? I mean, you can have a job that demands long hours, great, great physical effort, but neither the hours nor the energy demand that is demanded drain you like a difficult person does. And I have to admit, there have been moments as a pastor, probably the most challenging moments is when I'm dealing with a very difficult situation, and it's usually involving a difficult person. That's usually what happens. And at those moments, it does create a level of anxiety. Anybody experience.
[00:07:05] Does anybody's stress level start climbing when you have that experience? And I know some of you, I've chatted with you, I know that you're struggling with some individuals that are very difficult to be with and challenging. I think we can handle financial pressures, physical pain and a tight schedule. We can handle miles of driving. These are not the causes of our major stresses. I think people problems are the top of the list.
[00:07:30] They're the highest ones. Learning to live successfully with others is one of the most, I say, important keys to life. God knows that if we're going to Impact others. With the good news about Jesus, we're going to have to live healthier lives. And I don't just mean physically healthier, I mean emotionally and spiritually and relationally healthier lives. If we're going to enjoy life, we have to learn how to live in harmony with other people. How many can say yes? And actually, I'm going to read Scripture that actually uses the word harmony, and we'll talk about how do you live in harmony?
[00:08:06] Matter of fact, how do you sing in harmony? Right. There's a trick to this stuff. In First Peter, we're going to discover insights into dealing with people, even people that may be hostile to our faith. Ever met people that, you know, really were hostile? And actually, Jesus says, you're blessed when you are persecuted. So obviously he knows we're going to run into hostility.
[00:08:27] He's even telling us that's not a bad thing that's going to happen. And you have to consider yourself part of the blessed tribe that's experiencing this.
[00:08:37] We don't probably think of it that way. You know, we're thinking, really, do I need this in my life right now? But no, God knows what we need. So I want to just talk a little bit today from Peter about some amazing insights that helps us achieve harmony. Restore broken relationship. Anybody here like to see a relationship that's broken, restored? Anybody? Okay, that's great. Or maybe even thrive when someone's attacking you? How would you like to feel like you're not falling apart when you're under attack?
[00:09:09] How do you deal with that stuff? You know, I've had people upset, and how do you deal with an upset person? How do we handle verbal attacks and not allow them to crush our souls or to devastate our souls? How many know what I'm talking about? Somebody's verbally abusing you, and it's devastating. It is. It's. It's tearing you apart. So we're going to look at how do you deal with this stuff? And I'm going to look at two elements regarding the nature of relationships. And the first one is, you know, and we're going to talk about how to build them, how to build relationships even when hostility and differences arise. How do you build relationships? Anybody think this might be a good skill? You know, this is probably something you probably should take in school. You know, how to build healthy relationships. Maybe we need to have courses in our high schools or middle schools teaching kids how to build healthy relationships.
[00:09:59] So every generation, I think, faces different challenges. Young people today are often facing life with poor relational models. So we learn from our parents.
[00:10:11] And for some of us, maybe we had a poor relational model. Maybe we saw continuous conflict. Maybe we saw verbal abuse. Maybe we saw physical domestic violence. We maybe have witnessed these things.
[00:10:22] It impacts our soul.
[00:10:24] I think we're living in a time when people today are discarding people. I've talked about this. This is the canceled generation. But we're not just canceling out ideas. We're canceling out people. You know, it's amazing how polarized people become very quickly because they disagree. And I want to challenge us that we actually need people in our lives that may not even think the way we do. You know, we need to have. You need an assortment of people. You know, I remember one time somebody came to my office. Pastor could pray with me. I'm the only Christian where I work, and it's a terrible place. And I said, well, if I prayed that prayer, then the light of Jesus would be eradicated from that place of darkness. Maybe God's called you there, and I'm not suggesting that you never switch jobs. But what I am saying is just be careful. You need to ask God. Maybe you're there for a reason.
[00:11:18] And I mean, if you can't handle it and it's too much for you, and you're saying, I feel like accommodating and compromising, yeah, maybe you need to leave. But sometimes God puts us into those situations where you and I are the only light these people have. And they may mock and make fun of you, but I've discovered, because I worked before as a pastor in another vocation, and I remember one time I was working at one place in one restaurant where I was the only Christian there. And it was a pretty dark place.
[00:11:50] But you know what?
[00:11:51] Collectively, they may mock you, but individually they seek your help. Isn't that interesting?
[00:11:57] Because deep down inside, you know, they don't want to, you know, look like they're on the outside of things, but they have brokenness, hurt and sorrow. And they see that you're walking with God and it's having an impact on their lives. And when they get into a crisis moment, I had a lot of opportunity to talk to these guys one on one, and. And it was powerful.
[00:12:17] So let's take a look here at first Peter chapter.
[00:12:22] Well, let me just move on here and say this. I think today we're living with a lot of rejection. Many people are. They don't know the joy of being loved and accepted for who they are deep down inside. That's what we all want and in turn showing that kind of love to other people. How many know that when you feel secure, you can, out of security and out of being loved, you can begin to demonstrate love to other people? Something's got to happen for us on the inside before that can happen through us. So let's take a look at Peter's words to a church that was going through all kinds of hostility and difficult interpersonal relationships. And I think it begins, first of all, it always starts with our family. How we treat our spouse, how we treat our children is so critical. And then we edge out and how we treat the believers in our lives. And then how we treat people that are not believers. Do they see Christ's love flowing in and through our lives? So let's pick up Peter here.
[00:13:23] Yeah. Verse 8, chapter 3. Finally, all of you, be like minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. So Peter's been now talking to them because they're in this part of the world where there's been tremendous persecution.
[00:13:41] And earlier in this book, I'm just making you jump back for a moment to help you to understand the Word. Finally, he's been admonishing them to live a submitted life to one another and to those in authority. And the authorities in those days weren't very nice. Okay, how many know? Have you ever thought about it? Paul and Peter are telling the church to submit to the Roman emperor, who's Nero, and eventually will kill Peter and eventually will kill Paul.
[00:14:16] Anybody think that's kind of an interesting dynamic.
[00:14:19] So, you know, I think we got to, you know, I had some people ask this question, when do we stop submitting to the government? Well, I think we, we have a higher authority, that's God. And so anytime the government says that we can't do something God's asking us to do, we need to do it.
[00:14:36] Anytime the government says we have to do something that God forbids, we don't listen. Those are the only times we resist.
[00:14:42] Okay, does that make sense? That's when we do that. But generally speaking, we may not agree with what the government's doing at times, but we need to be submitted.
[00:14:53] You can't be having civil conflict all the time. It just unravels a whole society.
[00:14:59] So now he's talking here. He's starting.
[00:15:02] Finally, all of you, be like minded. Peter outlines in this verse some elements what we call harmonious relationships. And a couple of thoughts immediately emerge. Notice who Peter is encouraging to be like minded, which is going to produce harmony. He's speaking to believers and this tells me that even good people can run into differences.
[00:15:25] Isn't that true?
[00:15:26] I mean, we can just, you know, good people can disagree.
[00:15:29] People who love each other can disagree.
[00:15:32] Just because you disagree with each other doesn't mean you don't love each other.
[00:15:36] You can have a different point of view and you can still love the person. Isn't that a marvelous idea? And I think God commands us to do that. He's commanding us to love people, even though I may disagree totally, may disagree with their lifestyle, I may disagree with their, you know, maybe their political viewpoint. I don't have to just toss them aside. No, I may disagree with how they perceive life, but I'm still commanded to love that person. And that never should change in our lives. You know, you're maturing when you learn how to work through differences with other people.
[00:16:09] So if you can't work through differences, you're still immature. That's what I'm going to tell you. I want you. My goal for you is to mature. That's God's goal for you. He wants you to grow up. People who live with the idea that there should never be relational difficulties have general, superficial relationships.
[00:16:29] They're not deep enough. You know, you haven't got down far enough where you have a point of disagreement. How are you going to work through that? That's what we're talking about here.
[00:16:37] Learning to accept others who are different is an element of relational maturity.
[00:16:43] Obviously, we want to live together in unity, which is the goal.
[00:16:47] But that goal comes through working through things.
[00:16:52] There are people that will have, as I said, different opinions, different convictions.
[00:16:57] They may ruffle your feathers, you may even hurt your feelings.
[00:17:02] Right? That can happen.
[00:17:04] That's true. Whenever we get closer and closer to people. The word harmony means to be of one mind in music. It's the idea of blending the right notes together.
[00:17:15] You know, you can have, you know, discordant, you know. Ever heard somebody that maybe plays the guitar, like, you know, there's chords, and if you have you put your fingers in the wrong fret, you're going to have discord. And then you have, you know, notes that blend together and they're harmonic, and that's the nature of music. And God wants us to learn to become harmonic. He wants us to learn to play the right chords in relationships. How's that? So we're playing the right tune with each other. We're not all hitting the same note, but we're all harmonic in nature.
[00:17:51] It's this one mindedness that Paul brings out here in Philippians 2.
[00:17:56] It's only as we have the mind of Christ that's possible to become like minded. How many know that's correct?
[00:18:03] You have to, you know, anytime you have conflict, you have to come to a place of agreement. Usually in, in labor mediations, the mediator comes in and finds the first place of common agreement. And they usually have to come down a ways. You know, here in the church, God is challenging us to go to the highest level. He's challenging us to embrace the mind of Christ. The mind of Christ says this. Even though he was equal with God, he made himself of no reputation and he took upon himself the form of a.
[00:18:38] He became a man and took upon himself the form of a servant and became obedient even to death. In other words, Jesus was laying down his rights for the sake of another person. You know, sometimes we have to lay aside what we want to accomplish in order to build harmonic relationships. You know, we can't always have our way. Guys.
[00:18:59] How many know that that's a trait of a toddler?
[00:19:02] Have you ever noticed toddlers, when they want something, you got to go in there and you know he's going to bully the kid that's got what he wants. You know, two minutes ago that toy was sitting there, nobody was using it. Now this other kid starts playing with it. The toddler runs over mine and pushes the other kid down. And we just go, well, they just got to grow up.
[00:19:23] But I still think we do that as adults. But it's not over a little toy, you know, over a more significant thing. But God wants us to realize, you know what? This isn't worth fighting over. This is not an issue to destroy a relationship over. We have to start thinking a little differently. You know, I remember when I first entered the pastoral ministry, you're going to think this is amazing, you know, because God called Patty and I to move from Seattle to Fort McMurray in the middle of winter.
[00:19:55] Now, I grew up on the West Coast. I was born in Vancouver, I'm a Canadian, but my parents moved to the state of Washington. I was a teenager and I lived on that west coast climate for like 12 years. I had no idea what Fort McMurray climate was going to be like, you know, and yeah, God calls me up there and they've just, they've had a month of minus 50. And I drove into this and it just broke. It was now minus 40 something.
[00:20:22] To me, it all felt the same, you know, that was like brutal.
[00:20:25] We didn't have winter clothes. My car was not ready for that weather. I mean, we were just totally unconnected to that whole situation. And then when we get there, I didn't realize this. The church was in disharmony, you know, and how would you like to have your first ministerial experience in a church that's in the middle of strife?
[00:20:46] Welcome to the ministry. That's what I got.
[00:20:50] And so. But I was learning. I'm a quick study in some areas, and I was picking things up.
[00:20:55] And especially, you don't have to be too bright when someone approaches you and says, hey, we'd like to start a new church. We want you to be our pastor. I'm going, you guys don't even know me. And I didn't come up here to split churches.
[00:21:08] So I went to the pastor. I said, you got a guy that you're leading a home group that's going to try to split people off, and warned the leader, we need to deal with this because this is problematic.
[00:21:23] Well, let me tell you what happened. It makes it really interesting. So what was really going on? It finally occurred to me one day. The pastor asked me to speak in the evening service. Those are the days when, you know, the pastors actually preached in the morning, one message, and then they preached a totally different message at night. Some of you probably grew up in that model. And so. And of course, you went to Sunday school, first service, and then you came back for the evening. The whole day was given to church.
[00:21:50] I know we now think this is amazing, that we hang out for one service. It's like a big thing. But I'm just letting you know that's the way it was. So I'm speaking in the evening service, and I decide, you know, I'm going to preach from this text from Philippians. So I read the preface of a commentary by Bishop Lightfoot on Philippians. And all of a sudden, you ever have those moments when you're reading something. All of a sudden you go, the light bulbs are coming on. I finally get it. An insight into what's going on in the church.
[00:22:19] He basically said the church at Philippi was in conflict, and it was because there was two predominant cultures at bay and there was a conflict. He said, generally in a congregation, we have many cultures blending together. You don't have this. And in our church right now, I think we figured out there's probably over 70 different nations represented in our congregation. So it's more.
[00:22:41] It's more.
[00:22:43] How would I say it? There's no dominant culture, I suppose maybe Canadian culture. But Canadian culture is changing so fast. How do we even Describe it. Right. But this was two dominant cultures. So the people that were in Alberta before the oil sands really took off, these were the pioneers, the settlers. They had sacrificed, they had labored, they had built the. They had built their church. They had built a new sanctuary. They spent hour after hour afterward going there at the church, building, building, building. It was. They were proud of their church, you know, and then all of a sudden, the oil sand starts booming and all these workers are needed. And all these people from Newfoundland moved to Fort McMurray and they became the dominant culture. Not of the city, though. They had a third Newfoundlanders in McMurray. They were the dominant culture of that church. And they overran the people that were the original people. And these people were alienated by that. And not only on top of that did they have two different. I'll call Albertans and Newfoundlanders. That's a different culture, guys. Both of them. But then you add a new dimension that I didn't understand. The church culture. The Christians from Alberta had a whole different understanding than the Christians from Newfoundland about what was spiritual. Ooh. That created a whole new blend of problems. And so this is what we were faced with. And when I saw that, I went, wow, wow. And then I go, that's great. I finally identified the problem in our church. But how many know identifying a problem is a lot different than solving the problem.
[00:24:12] And I'm not the pastor, I'm just a youth pastor, you know. And so I realized later, you know, because I eventually left there, God called. Patty and I, we came here in 1984 to be a part of this church. So I'm, you know, one of the originals here.
[00:24:29] So we came here, and so the question that was echoing in my mind is, how do you bring people together who have real differences?
[00:24:37] And where do you find the common ground? And then it was the second chapter, Philippians, and I've quoted some of it. If any of you have encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the spirit, if any tenderness and compassion. Notice he's appealing to all these wonderful qualities that makes my joy complete. By being like minded. How do you get in agreement? You have to be like minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. So he was calling the church to have the mind of Christ. And by the way, what's the characteristic of a Christian? Well, it's love. You know, he says, now do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, considers other better than yourselves. Isn't that great. When you have maturity in your life where you're always looking out at the interest of other people, that's when you know somebody is becoming like Christ. It's no longer about me anymore, it's about the other. And I'm going to say right now, if you want to really develop relationships and you want to have a mature attitude in your relationship and you start making the other person the focus and the attention, it's not about you, it's about them. And are sensitive to them and concerned about them. You're concerned about yourself spouse more than yourself. You're concerned about your children more than yourself. You're concerned about others more than yourself. You are going to have an amazingly successful life.
[00:25:59] I just gave you a tremendous principle there.
[00:26:03] You have to die to yourself.
[00:26:05] And by the way, Jesus teaches that, you know, husbands, you want to have a good marriage, love your wife as Christ loved the church. How did he love the church?
[00:26:16] He died for it. You got to die.
[00:26:19] Nobody wants to hear this, you know, but it's true. But here's the secret. Once you die to yourself and you just say, okay, it's not about me, I'm going to make it about others. All of a sudden, life comes into you and there's a new joy that explodes in your life. And you can see the joy in their life. And there's harmony now in this relationship. And if you're a husband and you're the father, you're setting the pace, you're creating an environment, you know, and that's what I've tried to do. Not only in my home, I've tried to do it in our church.
[00:26:50] I work at it. You have to work at it.
[00:26:54] I know it's shocking to some people, says your attitude should not look up to your own interests, but the interests of others. Wouldn't it be great if every leader had a heart to do what was in the best interest of the others? Wouldn't that be great? It's easier to follow those people.
[00:27:10] But not everybody's like that. We say, yeah, that's true. He's telling you your attitude should be the mind of Christ, right?
[00:27:16] I've already quoted these verses. Let me just move on here.
[00:27:21] I think unity can be recent and diverse group of people if they come to a common denominator. Thomas Schreiner says harmony and humility belong together. For the primary means by which harmony is disrupted is pride and self assertion. I got to have my way and it's about me.
[00:27:39] You know, look at the word pride. What's the middle letter.
[00:27:43] Thank you.
[00:27:45] That's what pride is. It's about the eye. Okay? That's the same. In a marriage, a family, a community, a nation. We battle for preeminence rather than seeking the benefit of the whole. We try and protect ourselves rather than learning to trust God and show love to others. Now, Peter points out something very interesting in the Greek. In the language, verse eight, there are five adjectives without a verb. It's very fascinating. This is Thomas Reiner says this. And when we look at the words together, we see that obeying these exhortations would lead to smooth relationships within the church and with outsiders in most cases, because there's always some people that are difficult. These adjectives are like minded, sympathetic, loving, compassionate, humble.
[00:28:32] Now, to be like minded is another way of expressing harmonious relationships, which is a key ingredient.
[00:28:39] The key ingredient is humility.
[00:28:42] How many know it takes humility to create harmony?
[00:28:46] Humility is considering others above oneself, and therefore we become willing to serve others. To be sympathetic means that we care deeply about the needs, the joys and the sorrows of others. We're taking an interest. Hey, I'm entering into your pain. I'm entering into your sorrow. I'm entering into your concern about what's happening in your life. How many go, everybody wants a person like that in your life.
[00:29:14] How many say, I can love a person like that that's taking an interest in my life and is concerned about me, prays for me.
[00:29:22] In verse eight, we have a pattern where the adjectives are placed in a balance with each other. The first and last go together like minded and humble. Then we have the second adjective, sympathy, and the fourth one, compassion, which are reinforcing each other, which. It seems that the middle adjective then becomes the focal point where we are to love one another.
[00:29:46] Now, Jesus explains that love is the apex. If you want to know where you're going with God, I'm going to tell you. It's right here. He's taking you to become a more loving person.
[00:29:58] You say, why is he doing that?
[00:30:00] Because God's love. And he's making you more like himself.
[00:30:04] He's making you. He's trying to help you to become like me. He's working on me, too. He's working on all of us to make us more like Christ. And listen to what Jesus says about what a true Christian is. He describes it this way, a new commandment I give you love one another.
[00:30:21] As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
[00:30:26] By this, by what we got the right theology.
[00:30:32] We're successful in life.
[00:30:36] No, it's not. By this. Will everyone know that you're my disciples if you what, love one another. So how many go? This is the true characteristic of a Christian. You say, now think about it. We're not talking. We're talking about a love that comes from God. You see, Paul says this. It says, the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts through the Holy Spirit. So the Holy Spirit is ruling and reigning in our life. You know what's going to come out of you? Love.
[00:31:03] Isn't that beautiful?
[00:31:04] You're going to experience God's love. By the way, I don't think you and I can love the way we're supposed to unless you have God loving you, number one. Number two, when God starts loving you, you got to start loving yourself.
[00:31:17] You know why people are abusive? They don't even love themselves.
[00:31:21] That's why I can prove that to you from Scripture, you know, and Jesus says, love your neighbor as yourself.
[00:31:31] People are loving their neighbor as they love themselves. So when people are abusive, they don't even love themselves. That's how I get to that point. And I could even show it to you in the book of Ephesians. Same thing.
[00:31:41] Why husbands don't love their wives because they don't even love themselves.
[00:31:45] So how do you change that? Well, you have to open your heart and say, God, I'm an unloving person.
[00:31:52] I need to experience your divine love. I need to have an encounter with love. I need you to change me from the inside out. I need love to flow into me so love can flow through me. Me, I just become a channel of God's love that's powerful.
[00:32:08] When this becomes the central value of each believer, it's going to transform my relationship with my spouse, my children, my parents, whoever's coming into my life. You know, I'm not just looking out for my own interest. I'm looking out for their interest. I've been, you know, I could say a lot of things, but I was negotiating.
[00:32:28] We're trying to buy property. And I. And I'm trying to point out to this person, I'm not just interested in our interests, but I also want you to be aware we're concerned about your interest and we want to make sure that we're not going to damage your interest in the process of securing our interest.
[00:32:45] I communicated that. I think that's an important communication. And we even got that. Contractually, we're saying that contractually we're as concerned about our interests as we are year Round interest is that powerful.
[00:32:58] That's love. I'm trying to explain to you what it is.
[00:33:01] And by the way, when you do that, people relate to that. People can connect to that. People begin to understand. Wow, this is really interesting.
[00:33:11] How many realize that we can choose our friends, but we don't choose our family.
[00:33:17] Family is something we're born into. How many here go, I chose my parents.
[00:33:22] I don't think so. Hey, I got siblings. I didn't choose those guys.
[00:33:28] Right, you're born into it.
[00:33:30] This is going to shock you when you become a Christian.
[00:33:33] You're born into a family. You don't choose them.
[00:33:37] You got to love them.
[00:33:39] Yeah, well, some of them are ornery, Pastor. I go, yeah, I know, but that's the way it is. You got to love them. They're your family members.
[00:33:49] You know, I'll give you a little Bible homework. Why don't you go home and go in your Bible and look up one another. There's 27 one anothers in the New Testament. That's a lot. Pray for one another, love one another, forgive one another, put up with one another.
[00:34:06] It says forbear, but I'm giving you the more, you know, the right translation that we can kind of understand it.
[00:34:14] So we're not choosing family. God is choosing family and he's asking us to love each other.
[00:34:20] And when you see a loving family in action, isn't this beautiful? You say, I want to be a part of that family.
[00:34:27] You know what's going to attract people to God and to the church when they go, wow, these guys really love each other. Look at the way they love one another.
[00:34:38] They're going to, I'm deficient in this area and I really want to be loved. And here are people that are loving you even when you're a lovable person. You know, I prayed a really radical prayer. I'm going to tell you how radical this prayer is and you can talk to me later and say, pastor, I wish you hadn't done it. But here's my prayer. I said, you know, Lord, I know that there are people in our community, they just really need to be accepted and loved. But many, many I'm going to say this. It's going to shock you. Some churches don't want those kind of people.
[00:35:06] But I said, lord, I'll take anybody that you want to be loved with us.
[00:35:14] So I just bring the bar down and say, God, I'll take what nobody else wants. I'll take.
[00:35:21] You go, what?
[00:35:22] Why did you do that, Pastor?
[00:35:24] Because I'VE learned a secret in life because when that person experiences God's divine love and is transformed, they become the most dynamic believer going because they know what it's like to have not been picked on any team. They know what it's like to be the lovable loser. You know what I mean by that statement? You know, it's like the little kid, you know, we're picking teams and they're the worst player on the baseball team, and nobody wants them on their side because they're a liability. And so they pick everybody else but that person.
[00:35:55] And I'm saying, God, I'll take them on my team because I know that that little person is going to grow up. And one day, ha, ha ha, you guys are going to be surprised, he's going to come along and he's going to beat your team because he's going to grow up and become dynamic because somebody believes in him and develops him.
[00:36:16] Okay, this is the ship you're on, folks. Just letting you know.
[00:36:21] Let me move to the second element here, but how do we deal with people who are hostile and are difficult pastors and there's so many people out there like that. Well, I'll argue even the best people can have differences. Paul and Barnabas, that's a great example. They had differences over John Mark.
[00:36:38] Paul didn't like his work ethic and his commitment. He says, I don't want this guy working on my team next time. Barnabas says, hey, he's just immature. Give him a chance. Give him a second chance. Paul.
[00:36:49] And Paul says, I can't afford to do that. And so he took off with Silas, commended by the church. Barnabas was his nephew. He took his nephew and went to the Bible, says, was it Crete or Cyprus?
[00:37:02] Can't remember. I was looking to my Mark. Do you know which one? Jabin, come on, bail me out.
[00:37:09] All these scholars, and they're just.
[00:37:12] Who's got the answer here? I think it's Crete.
[00:37:15] Crete. I'll go with Crete.
[00:37:18] I'll jump in with you, Pastor. All right. Okay. So he brings him along and, you know, the Bible finally says, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, we read later on in Paul's life, he says, would you please bring John Mark with you?
[00:37:33] He has now proven profitable to me in ministry. You see, Barnabas, little extra TLC brought that little man along until. Do you know who John Mark became? He became the guy that authored the book of Mark.
[00:37:47] So sometimes, you know, I told you, you should pick that guy on the bottom end that nobody wants on their team, because sometimes they turn out to be dynamic.
[00:37:56] So we got to be careful. You know, God sees what we don't see.
[00:38:01] I can tell you all kinds of stories, how people overlook the people God chooses later on and they turn out to be. Be pretty good. But what happens when something does go wrong? What happens when sin enters hurt, enters failures, enter into relationships? What do we do then, Pastor? And that happens, and I'm aware of that.
[00:38:18] We need to rise above the hurt and demonstrate the goodness of God. Look what he says in verse nine. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. The contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. The New English Bible has a marvelous translation of these instructions. Says, do not repay wrong with wrong, abuse with abuse. On the contrary, retaliate with blessing.
[00:38:46] That's a very strong way of saying it. You know, what's the temptation when someone does us wrong?
[00:38:52] We're wounded and we're hurt, and we want it lashed back. Isn't that. That's the human normal response. That's an emotional, human response. But, you know, there's a little saying, you know, to love, to sin is human, to forgive is divine. We're all sinners here, and we need God's forgiveness. And when we exhibit forgiveness to people who don't deserve it, and I always say this to people, listen, forgiveness is the gift you're giving people they don't deserve. You know, people go, I'll forgive them when they apologize.
[00:39:25] Well, what happens when they never apologize? You're going to walk around bitter all your life, you're going to let that person play in your brain? Look what they did to me, Pastor, if you had any idea how bad I was abused by this person, you couldn't forgive them. I was just going to say something to you. As long as you're holding unforgiveness inside of you and it eats your soul and it's creating bitterness. I'll tell you what's going to happen.
[00:39:49] That person's messing with your head.
[00:39:51] But here's what happens when you forgive a person. It's an empowering moment, because now you're no longer the victim. You've stepped out of that box. And you say, I'm going to behave like God. I'm going to choose to give them the gift they don't deserve. The same gift God gave me when I didn't deserve it. It's called forgiveness.
[00:40:11] Now, that doesn't mean I have to, you know, live with an abuser. I'm not suggesting that. I don't think you do.
[00:40:17] You know, if you're in an abusive relationship, you don't have to stay there.
[00:40:21] Actually, I'll tell you what you probably should do is move out.
[00:40:25] I'm serious. You go. What? You're the pastor. Don't you want marriages to stay together? Of course I do, but I don't want anybody to die because the people who are unchecked in an abusive behavioral pattern, they get worse.
[00:40:38] And I found that, you know, sometimes it takes that kind of direct action to start making people realize that their action is unacceptable and they need to make some major changes in their life. And maybe that's the trigger point where change will happen in their life. Maybe, but you don't need to stay in an abusive relationship. But what I'm getting at here is someone needs to break the hate chain.
[00:41:00] Someone must take the initiative to stop the escalation of hostilities. And forgiveness is always in order. Many marital conflicts could be resolved if people learned how to communicate forgiveness. And for that matter, most strained relationships could be mended and strengthened if people could use this very tool in their communication with others.
[00:41:21] So often we do not listen, or else we don't understand what the other person's trying to say. And once a person's been hurt, it seems that conflict just seems to escalate. How many say that's true?
[00:41:33] But here, you know, and believe me, I've been a referee, sometimes I'm going, this is dangerous. I got a couple of my office, and it's escalating on me, you know, it's not fun. I'll be honest, I don't like those experiences.
[00:41:46] But what I hear, what's happening is pretty soon I'm listening and neither one is listening. They're just shooting arrows at each other at high speed, right?
[00:41:55] And I finally, when they, when they finally, you know, because I'm sitting there and I'm going, I finally get them back down to stop shooting.
[00:42:05] I go, I hope you ended your quiverful or whatever, you know, get it out of your system. But they probably haven't. But what I'm trying to get across is, you know, you got to move on. What are you going to do? You're going to keep just shooting arrows? Something somehow has got to stop. You know what I tell them? You guys don't even hear each other. If you actually sat down and listened to what you were saying, you would be shocked.
[00:42:28] You know, sometimes I'm tempted I should just put my phone on record and when they get quiet, play it back and tell them you have to listen now.
[00:42:36] It would be shocking to them.
[00:42:39] I'm serious.
[00:42:41] How many situations would end differently if someone said or did something to hurt you and you responded with a blessing and a concern for that person?
[00:42:50] Instead of defending yourself, just don't say anything and just listen and try to understand where they're coming from.
[00:42:57] You know, a lot of times when people are angry, they're just hurt.
[00:42:59] You got to listen to what they have to say. As a matter of fact, Proverbs 15:1 says a gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs it up.
[00:43:08] You know, I'm so sorry, I had no idea you felt this way.
[00:43:15] Thank you for communicating.
[00:43:18] I know you're hurt.
[00:43:19] Then we just get more sympathetic, more understanding, start listening.
[00:43:26] You know, sometimes I've had somebody come to my office, they were upset about something and instead of trying to defend us as a church or anything, I don't say, I don't do that. I just go, I just let them go for a bit and listen.
[00:43:36] And finally when they finally wear down, because if you're not arguing and defending, you know what happens? They finally run out of gas. I'm just going to tell you. That's true.
[00:43:45] And then afterwards some of them start feeling embarrassed because they were so upset when they got there and they were just, they were releasing all this pent up anger. They just explode on you. Anybody have that experience?
[00:43:57] I've had that. Mark's had that.
[00:44:00] I've had one guy thought he was going to come right over my desk. You know, he was so upset.
[00:44:06] It doesn't matter.
[00:44:08] Stay calm, don't get excited.
[00:44:11] Let them say what they're going to say. And at the end you just start saying, I am so sorry, I'm so sorry that that's happened. Just start listening to where they're coming from. And you know what? Afterwards they just back down. People back down. They really do back down. And then you can talk on a reasonable tone. If it's something that we've done wrong, we should apologize. If it's just some misunderstanding, then you can have a chance to maybe now explain it after the anger has been released.
[00:44:42] You know, love has an ability to melt cold hearted people.
[00:44:45] However, there are people you can't be reconciled with. We've all had those experiences. They refuse to show grace. They remain hardened in their attitudes. And Paul recognizes this when he speaks of this issue of being a person who blesses rather than curses. In Romans 12:18 when he says that if it is possible, which suggests there's times when it's not as far as it depends on you on your side. You've done everything. You can live at peace with everyone.
[00:45:12] Good advice. Biblical advice.
[00:45:16] This verse suggests that not everyone will respond to love and grace. Do you know that's true?
[00:45:21] I'm going to give you the classic example.
[00:45:24] Think about it.
[00:45:28] Jesus is on the cross.
[00:45:30] I've thought about this. You know, I said it in my prayer time this morning. I was praying with these men.
[00:45:36] I said, think about it. Here is the crucified God, because Jesus is God and man. We're crucifying God. His creation is crucifying him.
[00:45:48] And what does he say?
[00:45:50] I forgive them.
[00:45:53] Isn't that amazing? How many say, this is so amazing to me. Is that not love?
[00:45:58] That the One who created us and loves us, we crucified and he forgave us.
[00:46:06] Oh, my goodness.
[00:46:08] No wonder I love him.
[00:46:10] He's so beautiful.
[00:46:12] But you know what happened? There was two thieves on the cross with him. They were both mocking and scorning and abusing and despising him. But when I think Jesus said those words when the crowd was scorning and mocking, and Jesus didn't answer that and said, father, forgive them. I think the one thief was changed and he rebuked the other thief. And he said, you know what we've done? We deserve what we're getting. This guy did nothing wrong. Look what he's doing. And now he heard those words of forgiveness. So when he said to Jesus, today, when you enter in your kingdom, remember me. What did Jesus say today? You will be with me in paradise. What happened? He changed his mind. And that's what repentance is, a change of mind. And we need to understand that.
[00:47:00] Okay, well, I'm going to close the service because we've come to an end. And like normal, I've got a whole bunch of other notes, but we're going to stand.
[00:47:10] And the good news is, you get these notes in the blog.
[00:47:15] I do post them. And you can just keep reading because I've got a lot more to say here.
[00:47:20] But already we can see today that we need to have a change.
[00:47:25] How many say, we need a change?
[00:47:28] We need God's love to penetrate our hearts. How many go, I want to be a more loving person. That's you. Just raise your hand. I want to be a more loving person.
[00:47:39] I want God's love to so fill my heart. I don't want to live with anger ruling in my life.
[00:47:47] I don't want to live with hurt. Hurt and Bitterness and unforgiveness. I want to let go of all that.
[00:47:55] I want to receive God's grace and love in my life so that I can be a channel of that grace and love to others.
[00:48:04] Is that your desire? I want to pray for you, pray with you.
[00:48:09] You know, every day I pray. And I pray for you, too. I say, lord, would you fill us with your presence?
[00:48:16] I prayed today that he would invade this place and just fill us with his presence.
[00:48:22] Why would I do that?
[00:48:23] Because I know that's when God's love comes in our hearts, that our barriers are lowered, that we're ready to hear God's voice.
[00:48:31] Maybe there's somebody that comes right to your mind right now. They've wounded you deeply.
[00:48:37] It could be a parent, it could be a sibling. It's usually people closest to us. It could be a spouse, could be a child, could be a parent, could be a neighbor.
[00:48:47] Whatever it is you say, Lord, they've wounded me.
[00:48:53] But just like my sin has wounded you and you forgave me.
[00:48:57] Help me to forgive them right now. Give me the grace to forgive them and move on.
[00:49:03] Help me no longer to remain a victim, Father, but to experience victory over this pain in my life.
[00:49:10] This brokenness, this bitterness, this hurt.
[00:49:12] I pray, Father, for divine grace to fill our hearts today. That we would walk out of here experiencing the presence of your spirit pouring out love into our hearts so that we become now channels of love in our community.
[00:49:29] That, Lord, we would learn to hit the right notes.
[00:49:33] That there would be harmony in our relationship one with another.
[00:49:37] That you would give us a deep sense that it's not just about me, but that I would start taking a deeper interest in where these other people are coming from, where my spouse is coming from, where my children are coming from, where my parents are coming from.
[00:49:53] Help me not just to see things black and white and the way I see it, and it's always my way. Help me to begin to understand, Lord, I want to live in harmony.
[00:50:03] I want to hit the note that you've called me to hit. But I want to hit a note that's harmonious with the other notes around me.
[00:50:12] I want to make a difference.
[00:50:15] I want to bring meaning into people's lives.
[00:50:19] And I know that I can. If your love will fill me so that I can receive your love and know that I am loved by. By you, Father.
[00:50:28] And that I can come to learn to love myself. So I can come to learn to love those around me.
[00:50:34] Lord, would you make me a channel of your love today?
[00:50:37] Would you help me to live in harmony with those around me, even though some are difficult and some may even be hostile.
[00:50:46] Lord, help me to show grace and kindness and not respond in like manner.
[00:50:53] Lord, help me to retaliate with blessing and not with curses and not with heartache and not even with hurt.
[00:51:03] Because I'm going to forgive and I'm going to move forward.
[00:51:07] And I thank you for that, Lord. In Jesus name, amen. God bless you.
